I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
