im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
