Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
