I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
