I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!