Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders