Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle