I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.