May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.