We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
