but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.