I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.