sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?