if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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