What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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