did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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