He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
