My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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