i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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