you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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