There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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