I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
