My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drake has all the answers
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
