There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
