Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
