Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
