Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
