watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
