I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
