We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The power of my boobs compel you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
