I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
