I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he shaved USA in his pubs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
