Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
