tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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