I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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