he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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