Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
