i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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