Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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