I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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