He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
