Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am available for nakedness
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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