so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
