Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just puked most of my soul out..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
