how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
