if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
