im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
