i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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