Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
