like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
