no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
