I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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