you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
