just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
