you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
