i permit you to call me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
