so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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