All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
