i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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