It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
