i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
