i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
