I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
