One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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