stop calling my apartment porn island.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
