does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
