a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
