capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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