I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize