i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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