piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
