Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
