Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize