Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
