his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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